Today's Run

...was very painful. But I haven't run in weeks so I think I earned a little pain. Twisted my ankle a little in the California sand this past weekend (I know, your heart is breaking right in two for me isn't it?), and now it really smarts. Might need to find something a little lower impact for a while.

According to Map My Ride I did 2.45 miles in 25 minutes. That translates into just over a 10 minute mile (or just under 6 mph for you treadmill folks). Not bad considering the break I've been on. The pitbull who ran alongside me for half a block was friendly enough, but he sure gave me a bit of an adrenaline boost....probably didn't hurt my rate :)

Now just to avoid eating a dozen freshly made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies before the day is over. I know, what was I thinking??

Back On The Wagon

Well, the "baby weight" isn't exactly melting away as I'd hoped it would when I weaned Thomas. I had really and truly convinced myself that the hormone change that came with weaning would magically make these 15 pounds just disappear.

Um...not happenin'. In fact, I've gained 4 pounds.

I guess I'm going to have to eat less and exercise just like every other normal person out there. Dang.

Saving My Butt From Halloween Candy...

This gum...Trident Tropical Twist has been such a life-saver this horribly tempting Halloween season! It's super sweet, and the flavor lasts forever.

I'm still eating the occasional Butterfinger or Reece's Peanut Butter Cup...but normally one piece would absolutely send me over the edge, and I'd be sitting there for 2 hours piling in the chocolate. But now I'll eat a piece of candy, and then if I feel like having more, I'll have some gum instead. It keeps my mouth satisfied and busy through the chocolate crisis.

I keep asking myself a question though...HOW can a pound of candy eaten translate into 5 pounds gained. Darn calories...

Food For Thought...About Food

As I sat and ate my breakfast this morning I noticed just how MUCH food I had put on my plate. I was alarmed.

It made me think...when did I start eating so much?

I'm not going to go back all the way to when I was a kid in high school. I ate like a horse, but I was exercising a LOT too. Plus, I was a kid. Let's just skip that phase...

On to college. I was exercising fairly regularly, and eating just as I always had. Honestly, I didn't think at all about it. I exercised because I enjoyed it and I ate when I was hungry. Period. I didn't even own a scale!

And then I met my hubby. I started to cook for the two of us...but I made the mistake of serving myself just as much as I was serving my 210 pound boyfriend! Big surprise, I started to feel "bloated". I was convinced that I was retaining water since my pants didn't fit, and that had always been the reason. But then I bought my very first scale and realized I had gained 20 pounds! That ain't water!

I still find myself eating as much as hubby. I just love to eat. I love how it smells. I love how it looks. I love how it tastes. I love the feel of it in my mouth. I love the feeling of a full tummy.

But this morning during breakfast? I had a revelation. There are two thoughts in my head about food that I need to change:

1. Clean my plate
2. Save the best bite for last

The "clean my plate" thing...everyone knows that's no good. And I don't think I clean my plate out of guilt or not wanting to waste. It's more of an excuse for me. I WANT to eat all that food, and "I don't want to waste" is a convenient excuse to convince myself that I should.

Combine that with "saving the best for last", and I have a real problem. Now I have actual, real motivation to eat every last bite!

Does anyone else out there save the best for last? I pick out the most yummy, perfectly done, ooey, gooey bite...and I eat it last. Sort of like the grand finale or something.

But the problem with that is this - by the time I get to that last bite, my mouth has usually HAD IT with what I've been eating. I don't even enjoy that scrumptious bite as much as I should! But leave it on my plate? When I've been saving it? When I've been eating (and eating, and eating..) to get to that last bite? Impossible!

So I'm going to try and change my ways a bit.

First, I'm going to just decide RIGHT NOW...I'm leaving a few bites of food on my plate. There. Done. Decided. If I'm still hungry after a while, I can always go back and have more or finish my plate. But only if I'm hungry.

And I'm going to pick out the very best bite....and eat it FIRST. It will be yummy and perfect and satisfying. I'm going to eat it slowly and really enjoy it. That way, if my body says "I'm getting full here!", I can stop without feeling like I'm missing out on that last bite. After the "best" it's all downhill anyway, right?

Besides - what does "save the best for last" teach my kids? Granted, there are some things in life worth working and saving and planning for. But most things...most are best enjoyed right NOW. Who knows what tomorrow brings anyway?

I don't want to become obsessive about this though - that's not healthy either. So why worry about it? It's not like I have a "weight problem"...I just want to lose a bit. Some reasons to make change:

1. I'm heavier than I should be for optimum health.
2. I'm not pregnant or nursing anymore. Ever. Oh my (sniff). I've been pregnant, trying to be pregnant, or nursing for over 7 YEARS. I can't eat like I did during those times...or I'm gonna start to LOOK pregnant!
3. I want to be a good example for my kids.
4. I want to enjoy food more. Half the time I'm scarfing down my meal trying to get to that last, best bite...or trying to eat quickly so I can take care of someone else. I'll enjoy it more if I truly savor it. I can eat just as long (from a time perspective), but I don't have to eat quite so MUCH.

I'm tired of talking about food. It gives me a crazy craving for chocolate, and I don't have any in the house! Sugar...that's another topic all together!

I'm A Real Runner Now!

Oh, the things I tell myself to get motivated :)

Hubby and I ran a 5K race this past weekend. I had one expectation of myself: run the whole way. Even if I ran at a snail's pace (as running goes), I was NOT going to walk at ALL.

I did it!

And I did it while running at my best pace since high school. In high school I could run a 10 minute mile for 5 miles and barely sweat. Ah, the glory days.

Not really. You couldn't pay me to go back to high school.

A 5K equals 3.1 miles for us backwards folks. And I ran it in 30 minutes, 28 seconds. That translates into an average rate of 9 minutes, 49 seconds. What can I say, I love a good excuse to use my calculator :)

I was going to just make it a slow jog, but my competitiveness got the best of me. Every time someone passed me (which was plenty often), I got a little mad! I found myself kicking pretty hard at the end.

And now...I'm hooked! As we got in the car to go to the race start I was thinking, "This is dumb. We could have just gone for a 5K run and saved our entry fees!" But it was so fun. There is a big difference between going for a run and being in a RACE.

Hubby enjoyed it too. I found him on line searching for training programs for half marathons! I don't know if I'm quite ready for that...but maybe a 10 K :)

Saving Some Fat & Calories

So I've been thinking about oatmeal chocolate chip cookies all morning. I wish I could say I've been thinking about being strong and NOT stuffing my face with them...but mostly it's been just the opposite. The ooey gooey chocolaty goodness of those little nuggets of temptation are evil, I tell you, E.V.I.L. !

Since it seems to be beyond my willpower to avoid eating one (or 6) every time I walk into the kitchen, I've been doing two things. One - avoiding the kitchen...this is evidenced by the breakfast dishes still sitting out with syrup on them (evil...see?!). And two - figuring out how to make them a tad bit better for me.

What if I make them with Smart Balance spread and Egg Beaters instead of real butter and eggs, I wonder?

2 sticks real butter: 1600 calories, 176 g total fat, 112 g saturated fat
2 large real eggs: 108 calories, 7.4 g total fat, 2.2 g saturated fat
Total just from these ingredients: 1708 calories, 183.4 g total fat, 114.2 g sat. fat

Using Smart Balance: 1280 calories, 144 g total fat, 40 g saturated fat
and Egg Beater type eggs: 60 calories, 0 g fat
Total: 1340 calories, 144 g fat, 40 g sat. fat

Difference: 368 calories, 39.4 g fat, 74.2 g sat. fat

As much as I'd love to eat all 4 dozen cookies, even I can usually stop at oh, 2 dozen or so! Let's break it down per cookie:

By using Smart Balance and Egg Beaters instead of the real stuff, I'd save (per cookie):
7.67 calories
.82 g fat
1.55 g saturated fat

Hmmm. I'm not sure if it really makes that much of a difference. I'm not sure that it even made enough difference for me to take the time to fire up my calculator! Well, I guess every little bit helps.

I wonder if they'd taste any good. You know I'm forced to make a new batch, right?

I hate it when the "math" tells me that to really save on fat and calories I should just eat in moderation. I hate moderation. At least when it comes to these cookies...

Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies

They have oatmeal...does that make it okay to have 3 for breakfast? I hope so.

Sigh. I'm so very weak.

Hittin' The Road

I have a new favorite workout. I NEVER thought I'd say this, but my new favorite? Running.

Just me and my music. And the fresh air. And the rustling leaves in the trees. And the occasional dog that chases me and scares me half to death. And the rather large rock I carry in my left hand to give myself a small amount of peace of mind against said dog. Hey, at least my left bicep will be stronger. Hmm, maybe I should alternate arms?

My hubby is so smart. He knows what makes me tick. Not like that...well, yes, like that...but that's not what I'm talking about! Ahem (blush).

I mean, he knows what motivates me. He signed us up for a local 5K race, and it's this coming weekend. So that's why I've been running. Now, it's for the love of getting on the road. But in the beginning? It was all about the desperate need to not be humiliated this Saturday!

Hubby's doing the race too. I don't know what came over us in the past few months. He looked at me one day and said, "This is not who we are, and we need to do something about it!" He went on to explain how he wants to have a future of fun and activity and full years...not a future of sitting on the couch, feeling and looking old and fat, and lots of doctor visits.

He has a great point. I wanna get old with him. Really, really, old and saggy and wrinkly. We can compare dentures and "regularity". We can go on long walks while I ask him what he thinks about my latest hairstyle (I've come to terms that I'll never be happy with however I've cut my hair, and it's just his lot in life to answer my stupid questions..."do you like it better like this, or this?"). We can visit our kids and grandkids (hey, maybe they can tell me what to do with my hair!). We can travel the world. Lucky him ;)

I hope he doesn't read this. If he suddenly loses his passion for a healthy lifestyle, I'll know he has...

But I Thought I'd Already Reached My All Time Low!

Today has been (as my wonderful grandma would say) a "hum-dinger".

Not much going on, just one of those days.

I managed to get into my exercise clothes, get the Wii going, did a little boxing, hula-hoop, and step. And then, half way through a boxing match, I thought, "I'm just plain bored and I don't wanna do this."

I turned it off, and gave up on the workout. So I got, what, 10 minutes of sweating done? Silly. I guess it's not nothing though.

I think it's a hormone thing for me. Nothing sounds interesting or fun. I'd really rather just sit on the computer and edit photos or cruise blogs all day.

A sure sign that it's a hormone thing? Aside from the lack of energy, motivation, or high spirits? My candy stash. It dawned on me after lunch that I have a bag of Easter candy stashed in my closet! Now, I'd totally forgotten about it until today! It's proof...proof that my chocolate desperate mind and body is grasping at straws. My brain had to dig DEEP for the memory of that candy, I'll tell ya!

So now, after my non-workout...I'm stuffing my face with those blissfully sweet and crunchy robin's eggs.

It's days like this when I realize that I'll likely never be a size 8 again. Heck, I don't know if I'll fit into my 10's and 12's by the end of THIS week!

Checking In...

Well, I decided to pull out the tape measure and scale to compare my measurements to where I was when I started this.

I was hopeful, because I feel like I've been working hard. I've been working out 3-4 times a week for the past 6 weeks or so. I'm sleeping better, have more energy, and hubby tells me I look different. So I was looking for a little pick-me-up with in improvement in the numbers.

I weighed. I measured.

I gained 2 pounds.

I gained about 1/2 inch on every measurement...except my chest. Isn't that just crappy? If I'm gonna gain inches anywhere, it had better be in the boobs. But no.

My determination is slipping away on me...

Unpleasant

Nothin' quite like trying to squeeze into last year's jeans to motivate a workout...

It's All About The Bra

Yes, the bra. When I get up in the morning, I get dressed right into my exercise clothes. There's just something about wearing a sports bra that makes me want to take it off (not very comfy)! And I just hate taking it off if I haven't gotten a workout in.

Strange motivation, to be sure. But hey, I'll take anything I can get.

Still no change on the scale.

But the other day I was horsing around with Ben, and I flexed my arm muscle at him. "Whoah MOM, where'd you get THAT?!" was his very satisfying response. I love that kid. He's officially my favorite ;)

My baby boy turns 1 NEXT WEEK. I can't believe it. I'm hesitant to wean him just because I know this is my last time nursing a baby, and it's such sweet time with him. But I'm also feeling more and more like I'd like my body back. Oh, the constant push and pull that is motherhood!

I'm still holding out hope that I'll have an easier time losing some fat once I wean him. I just HAVE TO remember to cut back on eating after I'm done nursing. I've gotten pretty accustomed to being able to eat an extra 500 calories per day "for the baby"!

Oh, change is hard, don't you think? I think.

Frustration

Well, I'm still working out 3-4 times per week. I usually do my Wii Fit stuff, and then get off the Wii and lift weights. I have a set of 5's and 10's (free weights)...I'm doing every arm exercise imaginable along with sit ups, lunges, and squats.

So why am I frustrated? The scale is not budging. Not even a little.

Hubby assures me that I'm definitely making changes...that I'm a different shape. And the way my clothes fit testify to this as well. So why am I not losing weight?

I have a hair-brained theory: I think I might be losing a little bit of fat AND gaining some muscle. They're sorta cancelling each other out, making it seem like nothing is happening. Why is this fat being so stubborn? I think it's because I'm still nursing the baby. My body really likes to hold on to a bit of padding while I'm nursing.

So I'm still going to keep working at it with the hope that when I stop nursing in the next couple of months (sniff, sniff), the fat will just start to disappear. Please, Lord, let this happen! I'm afraid that I'll lose all my motivation if I don't start losing after I wean Thomas.

Still Kickin'

Holy cow, it's been almost a month since I wrote here last! I'm still here.

I've had less time to blog, because I've been spending more time....exercising! Yippee...I finally got my rear in gear and am getting some exercise into my day.

The main thing that turned me around was getting a Nintento Wii and Wii Fit. It started out just as fun, but then I got hooked. I've been boxing, running, and doing strength exercises. Now, when I have an opportunity, I go outside to run. Otherwise I use the Wii. I exercise almost daily.

I wish the scale showed a difference, but I'm really pretty happy just with the improvements in how I feel. My clothes are more comfortable, I have more energy, and I sleep better. Exercise is a good thing.

A Better Idea For All This Weight

The average weight (mass) of two human arms is 3.35 kg, according to WikiAnswers. For those of us backward English system users, that's 7.39 pounds, or 3.7 pounds each.

Now, I have four children. Don't you think it would make sense for a mother to grow an extra arm for each new child she has? Those of you who are moms out there, know what I mean!

For me, that would be 3.7 pounds per arm x 4 new arms = 14.8 pounds

Hey...I'm 15 pounds overweight! Now, don't you think that an extra arm would make more sense than useless, artery clogging flab? I do.

I'm gonna have to talk to The Big Guy about this idea...

How Did I Get Here? Part III

I thought Part III would be my final, "I did it!" post. But the more I think about it, the more I have to say.

Remember when I said that my body just seemed to know that I'd be making babies, so it put on weight?

Yeah, well, that's not the whole story.

I also stopped running several times a week.

I also ate at restaurants more often.

I also began eating the same sized portions as my 200 pound boyfriend.

No so spontaneous after all...

How Did I Get Here? Part II

For Part I, click HERE.

About three months after meeting my husband to be, I noticed that my clothes weren't fitting quite right.

I had never owned a scale in my life...just weighed myself on the gym's scale from time to time. I noticed occasional "water weight" fluctuations, but they could almost always be attributed to food I'd eaten. But this water didn't seem to be going anywhere. So I bought my first scale.

I knew that my "normal" weight to that point was 125 pounds. I stepped on the scale, and the red digital numbers screamed back at me: 140. What?! That's not water!!

It's almost like my body knew before I did that I'd be making babies with this guy, and it had better get ready!

140 was actually a pretty good weight for me. I felt good. I looked good. I was healthy. I was insanely happy...but that had more to do with the guy than the weight :)

I stayed at 140 for the next 5 years. We graduated from college, we got married, we bought a house, we got jobs. Life was awesome. I was so in love and so happy.

And then we decided to have a baby.

Now, I'm a planner. I had it calculated practically to the second when I'd get pregnant. We paid off the bills so I could be a SAHM. I went off the pill...but those darn pregnancy tests kept coming back negative!

Eventually, we had to pursue professional help. Dr. Getchaprego (as we called him), informed me that I wasn't ovulating. I took the appropriate drugs...and I got pregnant the very first time. Nine months later, my precious Benjamin came into our lives. I gained about 30 pounds during pregnancy. I was down to my normal 140 pounds about 4 months after his birth.

We learned that I was pregnant again when Benjamin was 6 months old. I had another blessedly healthy pregnancy, and we had a healthy little girl...my sweet Clara Rose.

It was then that I started to struggle with post-partum depression.

I was determined to not be "depressed". I thought I just needed some extra sleep...so hubby did all he could to get up with babies and let me sleep in mornings. Didn't work.

I thought I just needed some exercise and "me" time...we bought me a gym membership and I began doing aerobics and lifting weights 3 times a week. Didn't work.

Finally, I relented and took an antidepressant. Sweet relief. Sometimes God gives healing in ways that I don't like...but at that point I just wanted healing.

Through all that exercise though, I got back in shape. I was back down to about 143 pounds. (3 pounds over my ideal)

When Clara was 2, we decided to try for another baby. It wasn't happening. The doc put me on progesterone, which seemed to add 5 pounds to my rear end over night. It also enabled me to get pregnant, so I didn't care one little bit about the extra padding :) (8 pounds over my ideal)

I gained another 30 pounds with that pregnancy, and our incredible Samantha was the result. I couldn't have been happier. She was a dream baby in every way, and I fell in love with her immediately.

After Sammy's birth, I lost all but about 3 pounds of the "baby weight". (11 pounds over my ideal)

I weaned Samantha from nursing when she was 13 months old, and learned that I was pregnant again one month later (seems my fertility problems are gone for good!!).

Again, a healthy pregnancy and my beautiful baby boy, Thomas. Bliss. And lots of feelings of being overwhelmed. But mostly happiness. I wouldn't change a thing.

And here I am. Thomas is going on 10 months old, and I've lost all but 4 pounds of my latest pregnancy weight...which brings me to 16 pounds over my ideal weight.

Given my history of being super skinny, very lean, and with lots of efficient fat burning muscle, being HERE (over weight, not so lean, and much less muscle) is a bit of a rude surprise!

But that's it. That's how I got here. This is my new starting point. I look forward to writing my "How Did I Get Here? Part III" post, where I'll write all about how I got back down to around 140 pounds :)

How Did I Get Here?

As I prepared and ate my lunch today, I was thinking about how it is that I got here...how I got to be 15 pounds overweight, and struggling so much to lose it.

Growing up, I was a skinny kid. Not thin, not fit...skinny. Ribs and shin bones showing skinny. It's not that I didn't eat. I did. A LOT. I guess I was blessed with a fast metabolism or something.

I was 5'8" all through high school, and about 105 pounds. That's really skinny. That's 40 pounds lighter that I am now!

I was very active...cheerleading, track, basketball. I rode my bike and walked a lot.

We moved to a new city for my junior and senior years of high school. I was lonely, so threw myself into the two things I was really involved in: basketball and school. It was the only time I can ever remember getting straight A's! And I also made the varsity basketball team. I think I must have just barely squeaked my way onto the team...wasn't all that good and didn't get much court time during games. But I worked my hiney off during practice!

I was getting a really intense workout about 2 1/2 hours every day. At the end of the BB season my junior year, I was up to 125 pounds...still too light for my height, but in very good shape! It was the heaviest I'd ever been, and I was all muscle.

My senior year, I chose to quit basketball (a hard decision, I'd been playing since the 3rd grade!). I had an opportunity to be a high school intern at a local high tech company, and just couldn't pass up the opportunity. The drop in exercise caused me to drop muscle. I dropped down to 120 pounds, and there I stayed.

I was at 120 my senior year of high school, and my first 4 years of college. I was eating like a horse, and I was eating junk...pizza, nachos, margaritas, burgers, fries.

I was too skinny. In fact, I went in for a free student "fitness exam" at the local health center. They tested all sorts of stuff, and I was within the normal to fit rages...until it came to the body fat test. I laid on a table, and the guy hooked me up to all sorts of electrodes.

Evidently, electricity flows through fat differently than it does through the other tissues in a human body. By turning on the electricity and measuring the resistance to the electricity's flow, they can determine a body fat content pretty accurately.

The guy did the test, mumbled something like "Well, that can't be right", unhooked me, did it again, mumbled a few other statements, and then unhooked me with an exasperated sigh. "I don't know...I think there's something wrong with my machine."

But then he stopped, looked me over, and asked "Are you getting your period?"

Well, excuse me?! I was about 19 years old...this wasn't a topic I was comfortable discussing with the guy at the health center!

"If you're not, then the test might actually be working."

I wasn't. It turns out, I had so little fat, that my body wasn't even working right!

Women are supposed to have more body fat than men, and my fat content was well below what was normal for an athletic man. Like I said...skinny.

And then, I met a very tall, handsome, broad shouldered, green-eyed man. My husband to be.

Small Victory

I was determined to have a nutritious lunch today. I made myself a wrap with lettuce, hummus, red onion, and turkey on a piece of Flat Out Bread. I also had some baby carrots, and dipped them in hummus. And of course, there was a Diet Pepsi to drink. I know, I know, aspartame and all it's evils. Hey, I'm doing baby steps here.

From a nutrition standpoint, pretty darn good! Lots of veggies, lean protein, and fiber.

I sat and looked at my plate, and really wished that I had some nachos in front of me instead. I got past that thought though, and just looked at the food from a volume perspective. Is this enough food for me? Will I still be hungry? Is this too much food? I try to envision the size of my stomach...does this seem like a good amount of food for me? It seemed a bit on the "too much" side, but at least it was "too much" veggies, instead of "too much" fat and sugar. I dug in.

I ate slowly. Not because I know that it's healthy to eat slowly so that I can give my stomach time to tell my brain it's full. I ate slowly because I was also feeding Thomas, and chasing after Samantha.

There came a point where I was really enjoying my meal, but I realized that I was just plain full. A miracle, I know.

I wish I could say that it was easy for me to put down the food and just stop, but it was work. It was yummy! I was enjoying eating it. I didn't want to be full. On a normal day, I would have just finished it off. On a normal day, I would have said "don't want to waste" to justify eating it.

But then I thought...is it more a shame to waste good food, or to keep putting that food into my body when I know my body doesn't need it?

I decided to choose me. I decided to waste food (I didn't think it would be very good left-over), and to make a decision that was the best for the health of my body.

Now...since I'm being honest, I should confess that I ate a handful of M&M's as I was doing the lunch dishes. But I would have done that even if I had finished my meal. I know...but remember, baby steps!

And One More Tidbit Of Sucky Motivation...

All three of my children who are able to express themselves with words have informed me lately that I...

"have a big tummy"
"have a baby in there?"
"look like I have a baby"

Lovely.

Why Change?

Someone once told me that no one ever makes a change in their life until it is too painful to stay the way they are. I think I've finally reached that point.

I gained a few pounds during my vacation. I came back and only have a couple of items of clothes that fit me.

I spent a bunch of money this past spring to buy new clothes. I was already dismayed to be buying a size that I know is bigger than I should be wearing. But after years and years of being pregnant, I had no summer clothes to wear. I bought them, and promised myself that they wouldn't fit for long.

Turns out I was right, but them being too SMALL isn't quite what I had in mind.

I'll be damned if I'm gonna go buy clothes that are, yet, bigger than my already "big" clothes.

Being pissed and miserable...not exactly my favorite kind of motivation, but effective all the same.

More On BMI

I've been thinking more about the Body Mass Index today. It bothers me a bit...assigning people to categories of "normal", "overweight", or "obese" based only on height and weight.

What about the ratio of fat to muscle? What about those with "large frames"?

I read a bit more on the site that I referred you to earlier (which had the wrong link. sorry. it's fixed now). They talk about measuring BMI in athletes with low fat and high muscle. I thought it was interesting. It seems to me that using the BMI doesn't apply to everyone.

If you want to read their FAQ section, click HERE. I found it interesting and entertaining...is "fatness" really a word?!

P.S. My spell-checker didn't pick up "fatness" as a problem. Maybe it is a word. Who knew!!

In Search Of Protein

Hubby and I were talking about making breakfast for the kids the other day. We've been out of one of our favorite staples: little smokies. Pop a couple in the micro, and viola! Instant breakfast sausage! He asked me what I do for protein without them.

It got me thinking...and label searching.

In my lay-woman's opinion, there are two things that are crucial to feeling satisfied instead of hungry all day: Fiber and Protein.

Fiber is bulky, so it literally "fills" me up. It takes up space in the cavernous abyss that is my stomach. Fiber is best found in...you guessed it...fruits, veggies, and whole grains. Why, oh why, can't it be found in Snickers bars and ice cream?

Protein has more to do with blood sugar levels. When I eat protein with a meal, it helps my body metabolize the sugar from my meal over a longer period of time instead of in one big spike...only to be followed by a crash characterized by shaky hands, feeling a bit weak, tiredness, and hunger. And in me? Grumpiness. Serious grumpiness....which leads to my eating handful after handful of m&m's. Not a good thing.

So, where can I find some good protein? I searched my pantry and fridge today for some options. Here's what I found:

1/2 cup dry oatmeal = 5 g
1 6 oz cup yogurt = 5 g
1 extra large egg= 7 g protein
1 oz cheddar = 7 g
1 cup skim milk = 9 g
Flat Out Bread= 9 g
1/2 cup black beans = 9 g
about 1/2 can canned salmon = 12 g
about 1/2 cup canned tuna = 15 g
1 scoop (24 g) whey protein powder = 18 g

Is anyone surprised? I was! I was especially surprised by how little was in yogurt and eggs, and how much was in oatmeal and milk.

You know all the recent ads about milk helping you lose weight? I think I might have just gotten to the bottom of it! Drink milk with a meal, feel satisfied longer, eat less, lose weight. Yippee!

As a side note, I've been bringing milk back into my diet recently. I took a break because it seemed to be a trigger for Thomas's eczema. But I'm drinking it again, and his skin is fine.

So I'm gonna start drinking it with every meal! And I'm going to be even more of a fanatic when it comes to making my kids finish their milk. Geesh...we already go through 4 gallons a week in this house!

Anyone want to contribute to my "got milk" fund? Email me and I'll let you know how you can send the cash! :)

P.S. You can buy a giganto-tub of whey protein at Walmart for about $30. It seems expensive, but it lasts forever. I add it to smoothies, oatmeal, and sometimes yogurt. I like the vanilla flavor.

BMI: Body Mass Index

I had a recent comment from someone wanting to know my height and BMI (Hello, H from England :) ). I didn't realize that I had neglected to tell you how tall I am...a rather important number in all these calculations, no?! Sorry 'bout that.

I am 5' 8", with a very slender bone structure.

THIS site lets you calculate your BMI, if you're interested. I figured mine:

at 155 pounds and 5'8" my BMI=23.6
at 140 pounds and 5'8" my BMI=21.3

Both numbers are within the "Normal" range of 18.5-24.9. It is within this range that our risks of certain diseases are minimized (those associated with obesity).

Okay...is someone out there saying, "Well, she's not overweight at all! She's "normal"!" ?

That may be true, but the reason I'm trying to lose weight isn't to lower my number on a chart or to necessarily (although it would be nice) fit into a size 6 pant. I want to be healthy. I know that at this weight, I am not as healthy and fit as I could be. As I want to be.

And I may be avoiding some chronic diseases caused by obesity...I'm not going to avoid the chronic diseases caused by eating lots and lots of chocolate and by not exercising!

I should add something to my "Stuff I'm sick of " list: writing and thinking and analyzing this thing to death, yet not really making any changes. My "willpower muscles" are weak. Very very weak. (Although I have been staring at a bowl of m&m's all morning, and haven't had a single ONE...progress!) :)

Thanks for your comments. I really enjoy hearing from you.

Stuff I'm Sick Of

- Feeling like I need to walk around with my gut sucked in.
- Every time I sit down, I cross my arms over my impressive "muffin top". We're talking Costco sized muffin - muffin top. Yuck.
- Choosing which shirt to wear based solely on what "hides" best.
- Hearing about colon cancer, breast cancer, heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, diabetes, depression...all in my family....and wondering what's gonna "get" me.
- Feeling old, inflexible, un-energetic.
- Setting a poor example of healthy living for my children.
- Not sleeping well, yet feeling tired all the time.
- Just the general feeling of not feeling good about myself. Exercise and proper eating doesn't really change me all that dramatically, but I sure feel better.
- Eating as much (or more) food than my 210 pound 6'2" husband, and blaming my weight gain or lack of losing weight on anything besides how much food I'm putting in my mouth.
- Putting of getting healthy...until Thomas is sleeping through the night...until Thomas isn't nursing anymore...until the kids are older and it's easier to fit exercise into my day...until whatever. Today's the day.

Yes, I've Been Avoiding This Blog

I've been eating non stop. I haven't been exercising at all. And I haven't been feeling up to writing about it.

But I'm back on the wagon now.

Someone once told me that no one changes until it gets too painful to stay the way they are. I think he was dead on.

So here I am...back to making changes in my food choices and trying to get a little exercise here and there. Just thought you might want to know...

Q&A - Some 'Call Her Skinny' Concerns

I recently had a very concerned comment from someone who I know cares about me and has my best interests at heart. She also happens to be someone who I respect deeply...she's super smart and compassionate...just an all around wonderful person. Since you all can see the comment she left, I thought I'd respond publicly too. She brought up some great points and some valid concerns. I think that these are issues that everyone who is seeking to make changes to their body needs to consider - especially if there are little eyes watching.

I've written this post in a Q&A format for simplicity. I tried to address her concerns, but did not necessarily use the exact words she used (so don't feel the need to jump to my defense if you think the questions seem harsh...the questions are written my me). So here goes...

"Call Her Skinny"?? What's so great about being skinny?
Okay, maybe a poor choice of a title. I hope I've clarified through my posts that I'm not really after "skinny", but after healthy.

You're keeping track of every morsel of food you eat...maybe a little obsessive??
I can see how keeping track of the foods I eat would be alarming to some. Please rest assured that I'm not going to track my food forever. I just like to do it from time to time so I can do a reality check. I was truly shocked to see how nutritionally weak my diet had become, especially since I'm providing the bulk of my baby's nutrition!

What sort of example are you setting for your kids with all this documenting food and exercise??
Talk about teaching my kids a bad lesson. Hungry? Eat junk. Bored? Eat junk. Sad? Eat junk. Tired? Eat junk. Our mantra around here is "Healthy and Strong"...they won't grow healthy or strong if they eat like I've been eating lately, nor if they have as little physical activity in their lives as I've had lately.

Believe me...I'm still eating plenty of chocolate, and thoroughly enjoy eating cookie dough and ice cream and all sorts of other treats with my kiddos:) I'm just trying to make sure I'm getting some actual nutrients as well. So far, it's translated into more veggies for all of us, fewer processed foods for all of us...but still dessert after almost every single meal :) It's also translated into family walks and bike rides...good stuff for so many reasons.

Are you becoming a slave to the scale? Another terrible example to set!
I sure don't mean to give the impression that I'm a slave to the scale. In fact, I rarely weigh myself, and when I do, it's in the privacy of our bathroom with no audience.

Every now and then we'll weigh the kids to make sure we're dosing medicines right, or to see what size car seat they should be in. And when they step on the scale they *always* hear "44 pounds...just right for a healthy and strong Clara!" or "32 pounds...just right for a healthy and strong Samantha!" or "48 pounds...just right for a healthy and strong Benjamin!" They inevitably want me to go next, so I'll step on and say "155 pounds...just right for a healthy and strong Mommy!" I don't mean to go on and on, but I want you to be assured that a healthy body image is something I'm trying really hard to teach my kids.

(And it wasn't below the belt...it's a fair concern. You love my kids, I sure won't fault you for that! :)

Just embrace your body for the way it is! Why try to erase all the beautiful signs of pregnancy and motherhood?
As for this baby making machine...I mean body...of mine :) I truly am quite happy the way I am. I remember how I felt after delivering my little Benjamin into the world. I was so in awe of this incredible body! I said to Luke, "right now, I wouldn't care if I was 500 pounds....just look what my body did!" I still feel that way to some extent.

So why AM I going through all this trouble? My dad had a quadruple bypass when he was only 41 years old. My grandma has diabetes. Cancer, depression, bad backs...all over the place! I don't want to live like that!

When I'm taking good care of myself, I sleep better, I work better, and I play better. I don't have as many aches and pains. I have more energy and a better outlook on life. I feel like I'm being responsible with this gift that God has given me. In short, I LIVE better.

I trust that when it's my time to go, I'm gonna go. That timing is completely in God's hands, and I'm just fine with that. I trust Him :) But in the mean time, I want to live this life to the fullest. I want to be healthy...Healthy and Strong.

An Excellent Book

I'm reading The Abs Diet right now, and am learning so much! I highly recommend the book. I actually got the one specifically for women, which I really like (neon green cover). The success stories he highlights are all women, and there is stuff in there specific to women (like getting back in shape after pregnancy).

One of the statistics I read about this morning was this: we should be aiming for a waist size of less than 31.5 inches, and the average waist size is more like 35 inches. Remember my "before" numbers? I have some work to do.

So, why shoot for 31.5 inches or less? It's not about vanity, it's about statistics. As a persons waist size creeps above 31.5 inches (or, in my case, LEAPS above 31.5 inches), so does their risk for various health issues...heart disease, back pain, stroke, diabetes, sexual dysfunction, sleep apnea...even carpal tunnel syndrome!

I'm feeling motivated again. I find that if it's all about looking good in a bathing suit, I'm not very motivated. But living a long, healthy, energized life? That motivates me.

I Already Feel Like Quitting...

What what I thinking, starting a blog like this??!!??

It's so much easier to not pay attention to what I'm eating and blame my flab on "baby weight". Now that I'm paying attention though, it's obvious...I have to take full responsibility. I'm a grown up. Don't ask me when it happened, but it did. Somewhere along the line I became 100% responsible for me. Crap.

And can I just whine for a minute. (Think really annoying squeaky whiny voice going on here)

But I love food. I want to eat because I love to eat. I love the taste of food. I love that satisfied feeling after a really great meal. And I love chocolate. I love it, I love it, I love it...and I don't wanna make sacrifices! And I hate to exercise! It hurts and it makes me sweat and it takes a bunch of time I'd rather be spending doing other things. And then I have to do the whole shower and makeup and hair thing, and it just plain pisses me off to have to work so dang hard!

Okay. Whew. I needed to get that out. Thanks for indulging me.

Today's Food

I open a new post each morning, and fill it in with what I've eaten as the day goes on. It's 11 AM right now, and I'm already off to a rough start. I have a problem with sweets....just zero self control. Probably shouldn't have made that yummy dessert last night.

breakfast: 1 piece whole wheat toast, 1 egg with a little cheese on top, 3 (yes three) pieces of dessert, oh, and 1 piece of left over pizza from last night (tough start, dang-it)
lunch: gigantic taco salad. Tons of lettuce, tomato, onion, olive, cilantro...with a little bit of taco meat, some taco sauce...and probably a bit more sour cream than necessary, diet Pepsi. About 10 tiny slivers of dessert. I'd feel bad about this big lunch if it wasn't 95% veggies.
dinner: chicken enchilada, little bits and pieces of the kids' pizza they didn't eat, dessert.
snack: dessert. dessert. dessert. dessert (dang you Betty Crocker) dessert. and more buttered popcorn than I ever imagined I could eat.

Exercise: None

Some notes:

I'm so glad the regular Coke is GONE. When it's there, I drink it. When it's not, I'm perfectly happy with a diet pop or water.

Buy low fat or fat free sour cream from now on.

Only make desserts occasionally. We can still enjoy a little something sweet after a meal...fruit, jello, popsicle, etc. It doesn't' always have to be chocolate (gasp! sniff! muffled sobs!)

I am weak. Very, very, very weak. When I want to eat something yummy I consider the calorie ramifications for all of 2 seconds, and then I eat till my heart's content. No one is going to be "calling me skinny" any time soon.

Today's Food

I am determined to do better than yesterday. It can't be too difficult, given the disaster that was yesterday's food!


breakfast: 2 1/2 blueberry bran muffins with Take Control spread
snack: a handful of baby carrots dipped in light ranch dressing
lunch: whole wheat tortilla wrap with grilled chicken, lettuce, tomato, onion - more carrots and ranch - coke
snack: chips and salsa
snack/mini meal: left over salmon and pasta from Macaroni Grill (less than 1/2 of original amount)
snack: one bite of Sammy's chocolate covered "granola bar"
dinner: 2 pieces of pizza, 2 pieces of dessert
snack: handful of popcorn from Sammy's bowl

Exercise: family walk around the neighborhood. Not a lot, but not nothin' either.

Well, I did better today from a nutritional standpoint. I got some veggies at least. Probably still too much food for me though.

My attitude today was, "when hungry...eat...just make healthy choices". I think that's still a pretty good starting point for me, only now I'll work on smaller portions.

A Conversation With A Trainer

Before I became pregnant with my youngest child...let's see, that was about a year and a half ago...I had a conversation with a trainer at my gym. He said some things that really stuck with me, so I thought I'd share.

- First, he said I was a "skinny fat person". I had to laugh...never heard that term before. But it makes perfect sense. To look at me, most people would not call me fat. They'd probably say I'm fairly thin. But the amount of fat I'm carrying around on this relatively thin frame is way out of proportion. It's much too high. A large percentage of my body weight is fat. I'm a skinny fat person!

- Next, he gave me a quick look and said that my posture is messed up. I'll tell ya...if it was messed up then, it's even worse now. I can feel it in my back and neck and shoulders. I'm not quite sure what to do about that. I hope that with more exercise, my body will just naturally go back to a healthier posture. **Proper Form while exercising is going to me critical to get that done** Otherwise, I'll just be training my body to stay in this lousy posture.

- Then he had me give him my brief history. The most important physical aspects of my history is that I've been pregnant or nursing a baby practically non stop for the past 7 years. 7 YEARS! He looked me in the eye and said something I'll never forget, "You're malnourished." What?! How can that be? His thought was that for the past 7 years, my body has been taking the best of everything I put into my body and gives it to a baby either in utero or through milk. My body, in the meantime, has not been getting the nutrients it needs. I'm malnourished! And what does a human body do when it is stressed? It puts on fat because fat is a protective mechanism.

So I'm a skinny, fat, malnourished, slouching woman. Just great. Let's see what I can do about that...

My "Before" Weigh In

Okay, I did all the "before" stuff this morning....measurements, weight, pictures (that was loads of fun).

I feel the need to do a little disclaimer here. I should say that I don't think I'm "fat". I'm not obese or fat...I'm heavier than I think is ideal for me...but more importantly, I'm not fit. I'm not healthy. My cholesterol is almost 300, and I have serious heart issues in my family.

My goal is to get healthy. And knowing my body, getting healthy will also mean weight loss and fat loss. So that's why I'm keeping track of this stuff.

Enough of that already. Here are my beginning stats:

weight: 153 pounds
chest: 37"
waist: 35"
hips: 41"
thigh: 22.5"
arm: 11.25"

I also took some before pictures of me in a bikini...good Lord, why did you ever allow the bikini to be created?? Not fun. And no, I'm not showing you the pictures. At least not right now. I have some serious courage to work up if I'm going to show you pictures.

Food Today

Part of what I think I need to do is keep better track of the foods I'm eating. Doesn't it always seem to start there? If you want to build a financial plan, the experts tell you to keep track of every penny you spend for a couple of weeks. If you want to lose weight, they tell you to keep track of foods eaten. I guess it makes sense...get some baseline data, if you will. So here's what I ate today (to the best of my memory):

breakfast: 1 piece whole wheat toast, 1 egg w/cheese on top, ketchup
lunch: Big Mac and 1 can of Coke (drat)
snack: chocolate chip oatmeal cookie dough...probably 3 cookies worth
snack: one bite of Sammy's chocolate covered "granola" bar
dinner: 2 chicken enchiladas, corn, jello
snack: DQ hot fudge sundae with extra fudge
snack: chocolate chip oatmeal cookie
snack: handful of potato chips
snack: 1 piece Dove dark chocolate

exercise: NOTHING

Pardon my language...but, holy crap! Would you say I have a bit of a chocolate problem? No fruits, and my veggies consist of ketchup and corn...not exactly rock stars in the veggie world.

I actually heard once (not sure if it's true)...but I heard that the US is the only industrialized nation in the world where the people eat corn. All others only feed it to their animals to...you guessed it...FATTEN THEM UP because it's really nothing but sugar. It's practically void of any nutrition. And ketchup? The main ingredient in mine is high fructose corn syrup, not tomatoes.

Wow. When I write it out, I feel a little sick to my stomach. I ate like garbage today! If my kids ate like this, I'd scold them big time. Maybe I should just start eating whatever I feed them.

And what bothers me the most? I'm nursing a baby right now. Just LOOK at what I fed him today. Ugh. Sorry Thomas. I'll try to do better tomorrow.

'Cause I Gotta Start Somewhere

I've never had to watch my weight. I guess age and having 4 babies in the past 6 years is finally catching up with me. (Sigh)

But now? Now I believe I'm pretty much done losing the "baby weight". I put baby weight in quotes because I'm not sure it should be called that. I'm pretty sure it should be called "I-love-Big-Macs- chocolate-popcorn-guacamole" weight. Or maybe "I-love-to-sit-on-my-expanding-butt-and-I-hate-exercise" weight. (Another big sigh)

So here I am starting a blog to keep track of my fitness goals. My hope is that by reporting in here, and knowing that someone might be "watching"...that I'll feel a bit more accountability and actually get something done about these last 15 pounds of flab I have. And although I love to visit my stat counter site to see who's come to visit, I'm not going to put one on this site. I'm just going to pretend that lots and lots of people are coming to see this place every day. Maybe it'll keep me motivated.

I'll weigh and measure and take a "before" picture tomorrow. Although...no promises on if I'll post the picture ;)