Fresh Start- Keeping Track

After last week's revelation regarding reality, I've implemented some changes in my life since returning from vacation.  So far, I've been 100% successful in meeting my eating and exercise goals.

Granted, I started this plan yesterday.  Hey - one day at a time, right? ;-)

So yesterday...

Exercise: 30 minutes + stretching time

Fluids: Nothing but water (I missed you, my cold fizzy caffeinated friend)

Food:  

Breakfast- Kashi Go Lean Cruch with skim milk and raspberries from the garden

Lunch - pasta with olive oil, garlic, salmon, capers, onion, mushrooms, and sun dried tomatoes (about 1/3 the portion I usually have) 

Snack - Triscuits with a bit of hummus and salsa for dipping

Dinner - Huge taco salad with lettuce, onion, carrots, black beans, fat free sour cream, salsa, and a tiny bit of ground beef.  And dessert...my weakness...totally lost control here.  I don't feel bad one bit (it was REALLY yummy), but I'll try to stop at 1 piece next time.

Compared to the way I typically eat and (fail to) exercise, I'm calling this day a success.  

(And with all the water and fiber I ate, I can honestly say I wasn't hungry once.)

Reality Sorta Sucks

We just returned home from vacation, during which a photo was taken of me.  When I saw it, I gasped.

In that moment, I realized that I have been positively delusional when looking in the mirror for probably...oh...the past 9 months or so.  There are several chins showing in the mirror that I simply haven't been seeing.

I've been seeing the 20-something year old me.

It's sort of like a time after my second child was born, and my husband took a picture of us together.  When we got the pictures back (good old film days, I do not miss you one bit), I said something like "their process is all messed up!  Just look at this awful color!"  

"What do you mean?" Replied my husband.

"Look!  My hair!  It's brown!"

"Yes.  Yes it is.  In real life, Daiquiri.  Your hair is brown."

"WHAT?!"

I ran to the mirror, and it was as if a veil had been removed from my eyes.  Sure enough, my hair had turned brown.  I was a toe-head my entire childhood.  Bright blue eyes and white-blonde hair.  That was me.  As a teenager, I was more of a golden blonde.  But age and pregnancy hormones had changed my hair to a mousy brown color.  I stood in front of the mirror for a long while thinking, "Hello brown-haired woman.  Who the heck ARE you?"

But the photo taken of me last week wasn't as simple to fix as a few well-placed highlights my by my very talented hair guru, Suzy.

Unless Suzy does chin lifts, tummy tucks, and liposuction on the side...she can't help me one bit.

I'm over weight.

Not FAT, I guess.  But most definitely over weight.  According to my history and the current number on the scale, I'm approximately 20 pounds heavier than I should be.  Maybe 25.  

How did this happen?  

So...reality has sunk in, at least in this area of my life.  I wonder, how else am I deluded?

Where to start?  I've never had a weight problem in my life.  I've never had to work at losing weight.  I've certainly never had to diet.  Blech.

But now that I see reality when I look in the mirror, I have to do something.  I can't look at myself and tell myself "I'm perfectly healthy" anymore.  

So...I've given up my daily Coke for lunch.  That's 140 calories a day.  And I'm going to get moving for at least 20-30 minutes each day.  It probably won't make me lose 20 pounds, but it's a place to start and more importantly, they are changes I can live with.  

My dear Reality...you suck.

Pain And Suffering

What's more painful... diet and exercise or going through last summer's "fat" clothes I bought to wear after just having a baby (I'll be out of these by next summer for sure, I thought)... only to find that my fat clothes indeed, do not fit.

They're too small.

By quite a bit.

So I did a good old fashioned separation of the wheat from the chaff.  It sucked.  

I sorted into several categories:

1.  Fits and is relatively cute - Keep

2.  Relatively cute but 1 size too small - Store on top shelf

3.  Relatively cute (or not) but 2 sizes too small - Donate

4.  Ugly - fits or not - Donate

5.  Have had since high school (yes, HIGH SHOOL), and I'm pretty sure I'm delusional about it being in style due to it's extreme comfort - Donate (except for those few pieces hidden in my "comfy clothes" stash)

I have LOTS of clothes stored on the top shelf (jeans, skirts, capris, shorts).

I have a GIANT bag of clothes t donate (everything under the sun).

I have 2 pair of shorts, 2 pair of jeans, 1 skirt, 1 pair of capris (that I need to mend), and a handful of tops that fit (but are pretty ugly...gotta have something to wear).

I'm not sure if I want to cry and eat chocolate or jump for joy at not having to sort through too small "fat" clothes the next time I go to the closet.

What will it take for me to lose weight?  I really don't know.  I've been eating veggies like I'm some kind of rabbit lately.  I've been running.  I've been lifting weight.  Still - the scale shows me a number that has never appeared outside of pregnancy for me.  

I'm so frustrated.  And confused.  And pissed off.  And feeling ugly.

Had some blood work done recently as part of a physical.  I was so hoping that it would show some sort of thyroid imbalance.  Then, at least, I'd have a good explanation for why I can't seem to lose the weight.

Have I mentioned how pissed off I am?

Situps...Crunches...Whatever

For some reason I happened to remember a tip from a past trainer today while I was doing crunches. He told me to take a pillow, and squeeze it between my bent knees while doing crunches. It "activates" and "isolates" the stomach muscles, and makes the crunch more effective. I did it this morning, and was amazed by the difference! Give it a try :)

Today's Run

...was very painful. But I haven't run in weeks so I think I earned a little pain. Twisted my ankle a little in the California sand this past weekend (I know, your heart is breaking right in two for me isn't it?), and now it really smarts. Might need to find something a little lower impact for a while.

According to Map My Ride I did 2.45 miles in 25 minutes. That translates into just over a 10 minute mile (or just under 6 mph for you treadmill folks). Not bad considering the break I've been on. The pitbull who ran alongside me for half a block was friendly enough, but he sure gave me a bit of an adrenaline boost....probably didn't hurt my rate :)

Now just to avoid eating a dozen freshly made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies before the day is over. I know, what was I thinking??

Back On The Wagon

Well, the "baby weight" isn't exactly melting away as I'd hoped it would when I weaned Thomas. I had really and truly convinced myself that the hormone change that came with weaning would magically make these 15 pounds just disappear.

Um...not happenin'. In fact, I've gained 4 pounds.

I guess I'm going to have to eat less and exercise just like every other normal person out there. Dang.

Saving My Butt From Halloween Candy...

This gum...Trident Tropical Twist has been such a life-saver this horribly tempting Halloween season! It's super sweet, and the flavor lasts forever.

I'm still eating the occasional Butterfinger or Reece's Peanut Butter Cup...but normally one piece would absolutely send me over the edge, and I'd be sitting there for 2 hours piling in the chocolate. But now I'll eat a piece of candy, and then if I feel like having more, I'll have some gum instead. It keeps my mouth satisfied and busy through the chocolate crisis.

I keep asking myself a question though...HOW can a pound of candy eaten translate into 5 pounds gained. Darn calories...