Food For Thought...About Food

As I sat and ate my breakfast this morning I noticed just how MUCH food I had put on my plate. I was alarmed.

It made me think...when did I start eating so much?

I'm not going to go back all the way to when I was a kid in high school. I ate like a horse, but I was exercising a LOT too. Plus, I was a kid. Let's just skip that phase...

On to college. I was exercising fairly regularly, and eating just as I always had. Honestly, I didn't think at all about it. I exercised because I enjoyed it and I ate when I was hungry. Period. I didn't even own a scale!

And then I met my hubby. I started to cook for the two of us...but I made the mistake of serving myself just as much as I was serving my 210 pound boyfriend! Big surprise, I started to feel "bloated". I was convinced that I was retaining water since my pants didn't fit, and that had always been the reason. But then I bought my very first scale and realized I had gained 20 pounds! That ain't water!

I still find myself eating as much as hubby. I just love to eat. I love how it smells. I love how it looks. I love how it tastes. I love the feel of it in my mouth. I love the feeling of a full tummy.

But this morning during breakfast? I had a revelation. There are two thoughts in my head about food that I need to change:

1. Clean my plate
2. Save the best bite for last

The "clean my plate" thing...everyone knows that's no good. And I don't think I clean my plate out of guilt or not wanting to waste. It's more of an excuse for me. I WANT to eat all that food, and "I don't want to waste" is a convenient excuse to convince myself that I should.

Combine that with "saving the best for last", and I have a real problem. Now I have actual, real motivation to eat every last bite!

Does anyone else out there save the best for last? I pick out the most yummy, perfectly done, ooey, gooey bite...and I eat it last. Sort of like the grand finale or something.

But the problem with that is this - by the time I get to that last bite, my mouth has usually HAD IT with what I've been eating. I don't even enjoy that scrumptious bite as much as I should! But leave it on my plate? When I've been saving it? When I've been eating (and eating, and eating..) to get to that last bite? Impossible!

So I'm going to try and change my ways a bit.

First, I'm going to just decide RIGHT NOW...I'm leaving a few bites of food on my plate. There. Done. Decided. If I'm still hungry after a while, I can always go back and have more or finish my plate. But only if I'm hungry.

And I'm going to pick out the very best bite....and eat it FIRST. It will be yummy and perfect and satisfying. I'm going to eat it slowly and really enjoy it. That way, if my body says "I'm getting full here!", I can stop without feeling like I'm missing out on that last bite. After the "best" it's all downhill anyway, right?

Besides - what does "save the best for last" teach my kids? Granted, there are some things in life worth working and saving and planning for. But most things...most are best enjoyed right NOW. Who knows what tomorrow brings anyway?

I don't want to become obsessive about this though - that's not healthy either. So why worry about it? It's not like I have a "weight problem"...I just want to lose a bit. Some reasons to make change:

1. I'm heavier than I should be for optimum health.
2. I'm not pregnant or nursing anymore. Ever. Oh my (sniff). I've been pregnant, trying to be pregnant, or nursing for over 7 YEARS. I can't eat like I did during those times...or I'm gonna start to LOOK pregnant!
3. I want to be a good example for my kids.
4. I want to enjoy food more. Half the time I'm scarfing down my meal trying to get to that last, best bite...or trying to eat quickly so I can take care of someone else. I'll enjoy it more if I truly savor it. I can eat just as long (from a time perspective), but I don't have to eat quite so MUCH.

I'm tired of talking about food. It gives me a crazy craving for chocolate, and I don't have any in the house! Sugar...that's another topic all together!

How Did I Get Here? Part III

I thought Part III would be my final, "I did it!" post. But the more I think about it, the more I have to say.

Remember when I said that my body just seemed to know that I'd be making babies, so it put on weight?

Yeah, well, that's not the whole story.

I also stopped running several times a week.

I also ate at restaurants more often.

I also began eating the same sized portions as my 200 pound boyfriend.

No so spontaneous after all...

How Did I Get Here? Part II

For Part I, click HERE.

About three months after meeting my husband to be, I noticed that my clothes weren't fitting quite right.

I had never owned a scale in my life...just weighed myself on the gym's scale from time to time. I noticed occasional "water weight" fluctuations, but they could almost always be attributed to food I'd eaten. But this water didn't seem to be going anywhere. So I bought my first scale.

I knew that my "normal" weight to that point was 125 pounds. I stepped on the scale, and the red digital numbers screamed back at me: 140. What?! That's not water!!

It's almost like my body knew before I did that I'd be making babies with this guy, and it had better get ready!

140 was actually a pretty good weight for me. I felt good. I looked good. I was healthy. I was insanely happy...but that had more to do with the guy than the weight :)

I stayed at 140 for the next 5 years. We graduated from college, we got married, we bought a house, we got jobs. Life was awesome. I was so in love and so happy.

And then we decided to have a baby.

Now, I'm a planner. I had it calculated practically to the second when I'd get pregnant. We paid off the bills so I could be a SAHM. I went off the pill...but those darn pregnancy tests kept coming back negative!

Eventually, we had to pursue professional help. Dr. Getchaprego (as we called him), informed me that I wasn't ovulating. I took the appropriate drugs...and I got pregnant the very first time. Nine months later, my precious Benjamin came into our lives. I gained about 30 pounds during pregnancy. I was down to my normal 140 pounds about 4 months after his birth.

We learned that I was pregnant again when Benjamin was 6 months old. I had another blessedly healthy pregnancy, and we had a healthy little girl...my sweet Clara Rose.

It was then that I started to struggle with post-partum depression.

I was determined to not be "depressed". I thought I just needed some extra sleep...so hubby did all he could to get up with babies and let me sleep in mornings. Didn't work.

I thought I just needed some exercise and "me" time...we bought me a gym membership and I began doing aerobics and lifting weights 3 times a week. Didn't work.

Finally, I relented and took an antidepressant. Sweet relief. Sometimes God gives healing in ways that I don't like...but at that point I just wanted healing.

Through all that exercise though, I got back in shape. I was back down to about 143 pounds. (3 pounds over my ideal)

When Clara was 2, we decided to try for another baby. It wasn't happening. The doc put me on progesterone, which seemed to add 5 pounds to my rear end over night. It also enabled me to get pregnant, so I didn't care one little bit about the extra padding :) (8 pounds over my ideal)

I gained another 30 pounds with that pregnancy, and our incredible Samantha was the result. I couldn't have been happier. She was a dream baby in every way, and I fell in love with her immediately.

After Sammy's birth, I lost all but about 3 pounds of the "baby weight". (11 pounds over my ideal)

I weaned Samantha from nursing when she was 13 months old, and learned that I was pregnant again one month later (seems my fertility problems are gone for good!!).

Again, a healthy pregnancy and my beautiful baby boy, Thomas. Bliss. And lots of feelings of being overwhelmed. But mostly happiness. I wouldn't change a thing.

And here I am. Thomas is going on 10 months old, and I've lost all but 4 pounds of my latest pregnancy weight...which brings me to 16 pounds over my ideal weight.

Given my history of being super skinny, very lean, and with lots of efficient fat burning muscle, being HERE (over weight, not so lean, and much less muscle) is a bit of a rude surprise!

But that's it. That's how I got here. This is my new starting point. I look forward to writing my "How Did I Get Here? Part III" post, where I'll write all about how I got back down to around 140 pounds :)

How Did I Get Here?

As I prepared and ate my lunch today, I was thinking about how it is that I got here...how I got to be 15 pounds overweight, and struggling so much to lose it.

Growing up, I was a skinny kid. Not thin, not fit...skinny. Ribs and shin bones showing skinny. It's not that I didn't eat. I did. A LOT. I guess I was blessed with a fast metabolism or something.

I was 5'8" all through high school, and about 105 pounds. That's really skinny. That's 40 pounds lighter that I am now!

I was very active...cheerleading, track, basketball. I rode my bike and walked a lot.

We moved to a new city for my junior and senior years of high school. I was lonely, so threw myself into the two things I was really involved in: basketball and school. It was the only time I can ever remember getting straight A's! And I also made the varsity basketball team. I think I must have just barely squeaked my way onto the team...wasn't all that good and didn't get much court time during games. But I worked my hiney off during practice!

I was getting a really intense workout about 2 1/2 hours every day. At the end of the BB season my junior year, I was up to 125 pounds...still too light for my height, but in very good shape! It was the heaviest I'd ever been, and I was all muscle.

My senior year, I chose to quit basketball (a hard decision, I'd been playing since the 3rd grade!). I had an opportunity to be a high school intern at a local high tech company, and just couldn't pass up the opportunity. The drop in exercise caused me to drop muscle. I dropped down to 120 pounds, and there I stayed.

I was at 120 my senior year of high school, and my first 4 years of college. I was eating like a horse, and I was eating junk...pizza, nachos, margaritas, burgers, fries.

I was too skinny. In fact, I went in for a free student "fitness exam" at the local health center. They tested all sorts of stuff, and I was within the normal to fit rages...until it came to the body fat test. I laid on a table, and the guy hooked me up to all sorts of electrodes.

Evidently, electricity flows through fat differently than it does through the other tissues in a human body. By turning on the electricity and measuring the resistance to the electricity's flow, they can determine a body fat content pretty accurately.

The guy did the test, mumbled something like "Well, that can't be right", unhooked me, did it again, mumbled a few other statements, and then unhooked me with an exasperated sigh. "I don't know...I think there's something wrong with my machine."

But then he stopped, looked me over, and asked "Are you getting your period?"

Well, excuse me?! I was about 19 years old...this wasn't a topic I was comfortable discussing with the guy at the health center!

"If you're not, then the test might actually be working."

I wasn't. It turns out, I had so little fat, that my body wasn't even working right!

Women are supposed to have more body fat than men, and my fat content was well below what was normal for an athletic man. Like I said...skinny.

And then, I met a very tall, handsome, broad shouldered, green-eyed man. My husband to be.